Homecoming

Topic of the day: Flashback home

 

These past few weeks, I've been so busy with work and other events that I hardly had time to sit back and think. Now, on the eve of my return to States, after almost a year and a half of departure, I finally found a few minutes for reflection. This is what I feel:

 

-          It feels so weird that in less than 24 hours, I will be thrusted back into what I used to feel so "familiar" with. The more I think about it, the stranger everything seems – everything starting from the people, to the food, to the language. I'm used to the feeling of being an "outsider" to a culture and a society that's suppose to be mine, but in a few hours – a flight away – I'll be back in the same predicament – I'll be in a place that's suppose to be familiar, to where I'm suppose to fit in, but I don't think I'll feel comfortable. "Home" will again feel like somewhere that I don't wholly belong in.

 

-          Actually, the more I think about it, the more it makes me wonder whether or not I will actually ever permanently return to the US. Until now, I always figured that at some point of my life, I will be back. But the longer I stay in China (and really, in Asia), I realize that the harder it is for one to readjust back to their home country. Even though I've only lived in Beijing for (almost) a year and a half, I already think that it will be hard for me to let go of all that I've become accustomed to. This leads me to think that maybe, I really don't want to move back to the States in the future. After all, the world is so large that I'd love to experience everything while I can – live in a number of different places for a while. See what there is to see. Experience what's there to experience.

 

-          Even though I'm leaving for just a short period, as I was taking a cab ride home tonight, I had a strange feeling of melancholy. I felt like I will miss a lot about China – everything from its cabs, to its street side chua'r stands. I don't know why I'm suddenly filled with these thoughts – it's never really hit me during my other travels this past year and a half – until now. Maybe it's a sign?

 

-          At the same time, I cannot wait for the gastronomic feast that awaits me – everything from Greek food to NY style pizza to Burger King – yum!!! And of course, not knowing when I will return to the States next, this will be my opportunity to say a proper good-bye (and catch up) to some of those that I care about – something that I should have done, but never had the opportunity to, last year.

 

I guess in the end, I think that simply put, I've just changed a lot from the last time that I've been home (more than 2 years since I've been in NJ!). But, despite all these conflicting feelings, I'm excited to go back home. I'm looking forward to the vacation (finally!) and to seeing all the old faces which I have missed out on for so long. What awaits me awaits me – I'm looking forward to it all, even if it means a 16 hour flight home!!! J